I need my mommy.

My mom was the most amazing person in the world. She made sure everyone was taken car of. Had the bills to pay, had everything taken care of. She knew what to do and would do it.

I'm in they preverbial rock and a hard spot.
I have to feed my kids, pay my rent, utilities, my car, my insurance and more. I have a part time job that pays 8 bucks an hour. And only part time hours. Mr. C is "looking" for a job yet only looks when I bitch at him. I am trying to get assistance but no one is helping me get the information I need. I hate asking for help anyways and of course they want to draw me asking out.

I wanna cry buckets. I'm going to wic tomorrow to try to get baby food for the K. Hmmm sometimes I just wanna run away when I get no help. Especially when I come home to a disastrous house, pissed off kids, and a husband who is playing video games instead of job hunting or doing homework.

Who wants to run away? *ooooo* pick me pick me!!!!!!

Cloth is addicting

Have you ever tried cloth diapering? If not you totally should! Cloth to me is the best possible things ever. Patterns and print. So many more. I would love to foster and adopt. I want lots of babies and cloth has helped.

If anyone has questions I'm glad to answer them.

I love my pockets. Pockets are diapers that look almost like disposables but you can stuff them with inserts as much as possible. Lol and All in ones (aio) they need no stuffing or anything like that.

Lately I've wanted to try prefolds with covers. They are the same thing as old school but instead of pins they have these awesome things called snappies.

Who wants to donate there old school prefolds that they use as burp rags.

Here have some cute fluff butt!

The days got bright and happy

I had a playdate today. My cloth meet up group. Only a few people came :( it was pretty sad but the people who came were awesome!

I got another mama started on her cloth. For the sweet baby K that she has. K is adorable little girl! She's small so she fits the newborns I had. Yay!!!! I've been in a great mood. Maybe its from the vitamins I've been taking everday to help my sleepyness.

But the days are still hard. I'm working on it. Oh good news on Mr. C finding a job! He has an interview with a security firm on Monday. Please pray hope send good vibes whatever you do his way and our way!

Going to a BBQ tomorrow with Mr. C's school buddies. I'm pretty excited.and very.nervous about meeting this group! Anyways its time for bed I hope y'all get a good nights rest. I sure hope I can! Sweet dreams.

Get togeather of the leech kind

Today is Friday, tomorrow is Saturday.

Someone tell me why I thought it was a good idea to host a playdate? I suck at this. I'm always way over stressed, over extended, and make way to much food. I need a intervention when it comes to feeding people. I am a feeder. Lol so this playdate might have two people coming yet somehow it my mind I've got all of Texas knocking on my door. I don't mind that only a few people are coming. Okay I lied I want a lot of people because I like to surround myself with greatness and well everyone has greatness in them except me (low self esteem talking don't mind me).

Anyways. I'm gonna make edible finger paint, plan on swimming and jamming out. My thought process has made this a 12 hour event. I wanna make food and homemade lemonade. Maybe some Sun tea or sweet tea with molasis. I'm way in over my head.

Life boat anyone? Dingy maybe....suck it up and let your balls shine through Tasha.

Biological clock....tick tick tick

I have two darling girls, you all know this. B who is 3 almost 4 and K who is 7 months. I love them to death. I went through the worst possible pregnancies. I literally threw up at least once a day....once a day I guess isn't bad it was the every hour vomitting that got old. I learned through my pregnancies what food tastes the same coming up as it went down (Snapple!). So add that plus kidney problems to the thousandth degree I was advised to not have anymore kids because it could potentially put me into kidney failure. Kidney failure is BAD. Let's not do that. So down the line I got my tubes tied. No more babies for me....but guess what. I want more. I want more and more babies. I love kids. I love children. I wanna foster since I can't have anymore with maybe adopting a baby boy down the line. I think it would be kinda like paying it forward. My husband was actually adopted by a great family....so adopting would be great. Maybe even an older boy. But to get there I gotta push hubby to get a job, finish school get life back on track. So who wants to loan me their babies? Lol I promise ill be good with them!

Dun dun dun.....

The day has been boring. Got up, got kids dressed and ready. Watched my little ponies, strawberry shortcake, and power rangers ninja storm. Then got McDonalds (yeah I know so unhealthy but I got nothing at the house and no cash). Went to work at one. Got off at 7. Came home got pizza and its now 9:45pm (Arizona time) and all I wanna do is sleep....man sleep sounds amazing. My knee hurts my kidneys have been hurting. Ugh hurt hurt hurt.:...and I'm Bitching and Bitching lol. Well it is my blog ya know lol. Back to the grind tomorrow. I'm hoping to get all the laundry done tomorrow so I don't gotta go in on wendsday....hmmmmmm maybe I should make pie.

Warning graphic.

So since Facebook won't let me post some of my adorable picture I will now. Ones of K being funny and decided it was better to play with moms nipples vs eating and well more!

Crunchy mama or not?

I have been called a crunchy mama. A attached parenting mother. A hippie. Lol you wanna know what I call myself.....a nacho gordita crunch. I'm crunchy and soft and gooey and cheesy. I breastfeed, cloth diaper, cosleep, and a lot more.

I've just reflected lately how badass being a attachment parent is. They spent more time with their kids, they don't miss any of the big achivements. I don't extend breastfeed yet K is only 7 months old yet. But if she were to want to nurse. The age I guess I would stop would be around 18 months. I'm just excited for my year mark.

I want more babies, sadly I cannot have more babies. My body hates me. My kidneys are slowly distroying me. I guess I could foster or adopt. Which I totally wanna do. Mmm anyways. I just wanted to give yall some crunchy mama to non crunch or whatever advice. Were not the Times magazine. Which was staged fyi. Who makes there kid stand on a soap box anyways? Lol silly kids. Were not someone to crucify, we are just parents trying to give our children the best start in life.

Just so boiling....boiling and guess what,

More boiling. I have realized something after I came home and Mr. C is sitting on the bed playing video games. I married a little boy who can't even be bothered to listen to me tell him to get a job or clean up a room. No once again I am doing it all. I hope when the day comes that he realizes what he has that maybe just maybe he won't have lost me by then.

I come home and asked two things of him. Clean the bedroom floor up since K is mobile now and puts everything in her mouth. And look for a job. Bedrooms a mess and guess what.....no job hunting. I'm almost about to just pay the rent ahead of time so I can start saving for rent the following month with my part time job that pays 8 a freaking hour! I've given him leads, I've looked up jobs for him. What the fuck do I gotta do next? Dress him, interview for him? Do his school work?

I'm about to boil over......

Belly belly belly......

Have you ever had to take a multivitamin? Prenatal or like wise? Yeah they suck hardcore. I've started taking them again because I am breastfeeding but couldn't seem to get outta bed. Ding ding ding we have a winner with vitamin deficiency. So I'm now taking a multivitamin the size of fucking Texas! As well as two iron pills. They make me sick to my stomach so far (day two) BUT I got out of bed at 9 am today! Success! Now to keep up with it. I heard somewhere if you do something for 20 days in a row you get in the system to just do it. Hmmm let's see....I sure hope freaking so!

Next adventure.....not killing Mr. C my dearest husband.

Today he got his ultimatum. Job by the 1st or his motorcycle money goes to rent. Let's see how this goes.

Bad night.

So just to tell all y'all. I lost my mother to lung cancer when I was 19. I have yet to accept this or get over this in my life.

Today I did the worst possible thing yet. I started watching a movie called "A little peice of heaven". To tell it like this. It's a very true rendition of what sometimes happens. And to say the tears are still rolling isn't proper in the very least.

Today I missed my mom so much. To no end I miss her. I wanna have her watch my girls grow up. I want her to answer my questions when I can't turn to anyone else. I want just....my mother. The greatest person I knew. Ugh somedays are better but today is not that day.

Heartaches knows no bounds.

Here are some photos of my love, mom.

Mom to you I love you more then anything and will never forget you. I so wished I could have known you a lot better!

Have a drink with the angels for me. Kisses....

So crazy

Okay so life has been on crazy this pasted week. I work for a older blind man doing laundry for doctors offices. OBGYN offices and fertility offices. So I work often.

But anyways. Mr. J hubby has still been "searching" for a job. That's a load of shit. He hasn't really tried. I'm about to give his ass some serious help and find him a job myself. He just won't like it. Me working is hard to do and in reality its not hard its almost damn near impossible. So my boss helps me out and we try to just schedule me when I wanna work. Today I was gonna go in at 9am but I just couldn't pry myself outta bed so I am going in at 1 when I get a better mood under me.

So maybe off to find a job for my husband so I can just get it all.

But when everything goes wrong and B and K are screaming I just gotta look at their cute faces!