Holidays of mass perpotions

Easter

Christmas

Thanksgiving

          These are the holidays I love the most. Sadly they are the holidays that I cannot do for my children what I grew up on. I loved the holidays growing up. Love all the family, food, chaos, laughter, joy, making fun of each other, etc. Fast forward to mom dying. No happy holidays just a bunch of people running around doing nothing but cooking and sometimes joking. Where did the laughter go, my mom took it. Still after how many years, she has the laughter with her. 

            But now I am no longer in OH, I am in Az where my children have no family besides us. We havnt colored eggs, gone on a plastic egg hunt, started dinner, woke up to a mass of basket hunting, nothing. My children are young thankfully so they cannot understand yet that something is amiss. 

           I will bring them joy on holidays and love. I will pull something out my butt for them to do today. Maybe swimming, and a park. Or maybe just running around with no distractions today. Who knows.

          

Happy Holidays, or happy regular day to some of you.

Traveling to crazy town

Ohio, the land of cold and snow.

I shall be traveling back to Ohio for a week. It will probably be cold. No 100% chance of cold! Ill be getting on the plane at 80 something degrees or higher. Then get off the plane at like 50 degrees or less. This is gonna be horrible.

Itinerary.
Get through security with two children alone.
Wait for plane.
Board plane.
Fly
Get off plane in chicago for layover.
Wait 2 hours for next flight.
Board plane.
Get to Columbus.
Be freezing.

Yeah this is gonna be a FUN plane ride. <---insert sarcasm. First plane ride for the girls. Dont worry B rode in a plane when she was in utero plane ride. Now 4 years old flying on a plane, her sister will be 17 months flying for the first time.

Any tips for flying with a 17 month old and a 4 year old by yourself? Ill be babywearing K so she shouldnt be to bad.

Bipolar, moods changing moods?

So....who all has bipolar?! *yells from back of room* OOOOO PICK ME PICK ME! yep you all know this if you have read any of my other blog posts....if not *evil glare* GO READ!

Fast forward me and Mr. C are not in a great spot in our relationship things are very tense but were working through them. Or at least trying which has put me into an EXCELLENT mood because well, were talking. So I was just sitting here playing on facebook with their catchy little addicting games *cough* chefsville *cough* and I thought. Maybe if I get into a good mood I can keep myself in a good mood.

So Challenge Accepted.

*downs a shot*

Here is to hoping Mr. C doesn't fuck up again and put me into a horrible mood.

#FYI I do NOT condone using alcohol as a self medication!#

Kamsnaps

<center><a href="http://www.kamsnaps.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.urbanfinds.com/kamsnaps/images/kamsnapsbutton.jpg"" /></a></center>

You all know I love to cloth diaper well this will help me out LOADS. Its a giveaway and well I would LOVE to win! eek!

The pain, hurt, memories, and time.

They say time heals all wounds.

They say time will help you not feel so bad.

They were wrong.

I dont know who even said these things and believed them. Someone who hasnt had someone in their life past away. I am watching the newest Army Wives episode. It brings up so many memories, so many terrifying things that went through my head. The pain of my mother funeral, the heartache of the many things she would never be present at. My wedding, the birth of my children, the sleepless nights of help that would never be there from her.

I would not have anyone but my grandparents and sister there for my wedding. No father who would be off on another crack binge none of that. So it hurt. To this day I do not remember anything after everyone left, or even the funeral. I remember a blessed women, my mothers best friend, helping me and trying to comfort me. I couldnt see past my own pain to even make memories. Memories.....thats all I have.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone ever talks about the pain that still lingers. I remember her funeral. The calling hours. I remember sitting there thinking "I dont know who you are, why are you even here?" So many people who I had no clue who they were. And people missing who should have been there. She has the most beautiful casket. The casket the rival all other in her book. She had so many people who loved her.

One minutes she is with me, the next she is just.....not there. She had always been there to help me in any way that was possible. Gave me the most precious gift. The gift of love. The gift of hope. She was my mother. I felt like she was the only person who would EVER understand me. She helped me so many times that was just impossible to keep track.

My mother pulled me through some very rough places. She helped me realize that I didnt need anyone to help me with most things in life, that I myself could find the solution to all my problems if I just looked hard enough and used my brain.

Sherron Marie up there in heaven. I miss you more today then I think I have since the day you said goodbye. If you have ever lost your mother, your child, your friend, your spouse or even just someone you loved so very much you understand. It never gets easier, and the pain never dulls.

Habemus Papum!

And today, in history we get something great! A NEW POPE! They have yet to announce who the cardinals have chosen. I am hoping for a more tech savvy pope. Someone who will bring the catholic church into more modern times and can relate more towards the younger generation (You know the generation they need to recruit to keep the church alive! lol).

I am not a baptist catholic. Just making this clear. Ive gone a handful of time to mass. BUT my grandparents are very VERY catholic. (In Mr.Cs word they are shyt catholic, you know extremest.) I know quite a bit about many religions and I have to say if catechism didnt take so damn long I would so become a official member and go to mass regularly. To me the possiblity of change in the right direction will be a great thing for the church. (if it follow into a good direction, cuz we all know catholics have sometimes made big UT OHs....you know the crusades, war against protestants) Heres to hoping!


Edited to tell you all the great information!

Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio from Argentina has taken the name Pope Francis the 1st!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jorge_Mario_Bergoglio

All together now!

So another mama made me realize its been like 4-5 months, nah more like 2 years since I posted. Hmm I should totally remedy that. Lets almost bullet point things.
-B, We have severe eczema still. Turned 4 in December which means kindergarden is soon upon us *cries silently*. I need to get on her about her letters and writing. *sigh* bad mom moments.
-K, Were 1.....ONE year old. Ugh that feels like a HORRIBLE number because she is my possibly last baby. We talk, we walk, we use silverware better now, we have friends. My baby is growing up. She might even be potty training soon. NOOO I love my cloth diapers way to much for that to happen. lol
- Mr. C, whats to say. He had a job working for a decent warehouse, got laid off didnt even attempt a job search. So I things got shady around here for awhile.
ME!! Because it is ALWAYS about me you know. Just joshing you! Anyways...Im doing decent right now. My moods are in a upswing thankfully, I am adjusting to Arizona at a slow pace. Miss Ohio rather a lot. Sometimes almost to much. I am in need of coffe. I woke up way to early today because I started babysitting for a fellow mommy.
Well until next time when I might have something more interesting to say. OH YEAH! Were moving again, but this time only a few minutes away!