Job number 2 since big move.

It's been a very trying experience with jobs. I worked with an unnamed windsheild replacement company. They were not a great company as they were worse then telemarketers (calleds you at least once a week seeing if you needed a new windshield). Wasn't a great job when a lot of your moods feed off of the moods of others. Now I work for a home based buisness doing laundry for doctors offices. I don't speak with people. I do laundry all day. So far its boring job but it works so well for my moods.

In other news I was thinking since I cannot have another baby (yes yes yes ill explain that later), that I will try to foster or adopt! Hmm sounds like a plan. Maybe I can even do it.

Relapse

I can't seem to think.

Today I woke up fine. Really tired. I knew today was NOT gonna be a good day. Remember that pesky manic-depressive type 2 (bipolar) I told ya about in the first writings. It decided to peak its great big fat head at me today. I just wanna cry today. I want a friend who will listen to me. I want to beable to TRUST a friend to listen to me. I talked to my husband the other day about how I remember how hard it was to work. He asked me why. Because I have days like today where I just wanna cry. I need insurance so I can find a couple therapist. I feel like life is just swirling.

Today is a pivital point. I either can try to find insurance and get the therapy that I truely need and TRY so hard to work. Or I do what I have been trying to push away from me as far as I can. Getting SSI (I think it's SSI) means never working agian. I do NOT wanna do that. I have dreams. Sadly I realize that my dreams probably will never come true because of this STUPID illness that I have been struggling with!

My whole being wants to scream HHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPP!!!

I just want some help.

The 1st of many...hopefuly!

TA DA! I did it. Yeah thats right, I got a blog.

                   First off. HELLO! I am Tasha. Im 24 year old wife and mother of 2 awesome girls! Lets call them B and K. BAHAH joke bk....anyways! Lets get to know me. I was born and raised in a field in Ohio. We call it a field because well where I lived you had woods, field, field, and a pond. I was raised with a single mother who did an EXTRODINARY job. *side note. If you can't tell, I cant spell.* My father was a every other weekend dad who did what he was told to do by the courts. He is a crack addict, abuser, and over all just a low life. I would not mourn him. But I mourned my mother and still mourn her like no other. I have a rather large family by "normal" standards. I have 2 sisters. One is a low life and the other M is an awesome woman with 2 children and raising them on her own as well. I have a boat load of cousins, 3 aunts and a uncle. My grandparents are still alive. They still fight about everything and they make holidays special. Family is everything to me.

         So far I have made this into an ABOUT you section. Well you need to know about me in order to know why I write the way I do or why I write what I write.

  

All my life I have been different. I get distracted easily, I am very moody, and sometimes I can just shut down all together. There is a reason that I found out in my sophmore year of high school thanks to a fellow class mate and friend. I was....ugh this is hard even when I know no one is reading this. I was and still am a cutter. I will always be one even if I do not cut. Which I am proud to say has been over 2 years!!! I was seen with psychologiest, therapist, and many more. I am a manic-depressive type 2 mom. I have possible boarder line personality disorder (suspition of my last psychologist). My life is not easy. My life is not emotionally stable. So I want the world to know what those people who have NO way to explain how they feel, what they feel, or why they feel the way they do. As well as tell people how it is to hurt so bad but you cant see it.

This is my story.