The pain, hurt, memories, and time.

They say time heals all wounds.

They say time will help you not feel so bad.

They were wrong.

I dont know who even said these things and believed them. Someone who hasnt had someone in their life past away. I am watching the newest Army Wives episode. It brings up so many memories, so many terrifying things that went through my head. The pain of my mother funeral, the heartache of the many things she would never be present at. My wedding, the birth of my children, the sleepless nights of help that would never be there from her.

I would not have anyone but my grandparents and sister there for my wedding. No father who would be off on another crack binge none of that. So it hurt. To this day I do not remember anything after everyone left, or even the funeral. I remember a blessed women, my mothers best friend, helping me and trying to comfort me. I couldnt see past my own pain to even make memories. Memories.....thats all I have.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone ever talks about the pain that still lingers. I remember her funeral. The calling hours. I remember sitting there thinking "I dont know who you are, why are you even here?" So many people who I had no clue who they were. And people missing who should have been there. She has the most beautiful casket. The casket the rival all other in her book. She had so many people who loved her.

One minutes she is with me, the next she is just.....not there. She had always been there to help me in any way that was possible. Gave me the most precious gift. The gift of love. The gift of hope. She was my mother. I felt like she was the only person who would EVER understand me. She helped me so many times that was just impossible to keep track.

My mother pulled me through some very rough places. She helped me realize that I didnt need anyone to help me with most things in life, that I myself could find the solution to all my problems if I just looked hard enough and used my brain.

Sherron Marie up there in heaven. I miss you more today then I think I have since the day you said goodbye. If you have ever lost your mother, your child, your friend, your spouse or even just someone you loved so very much you understand. It never gets easier, and the pain never dulls.