So I was thinking. I wanted to explain why I do some things that I do.
I do NOT think of myself as beautiful. I don't even remember anyone telling me I was beautiful on my wedding day. Beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, etc. Things I do not describe as myself. I see nothing pretty about myself. I feel like crying when I say that. Sometimes I can glimpse pretty but never beautiful or gorgeous. Never enough for anyone. I cannot fathem how my husband finds me attractive. I detest myself 99% of the time. If I take pictures of myself I'm having a good day. I want to give you this. Don't feel sorry for me. Don't feel anything. It is what it is and this will probably never change. I have no one in my life who will help me with these feelings and I'm very much used to it.
But I do try to help everyone I can help out. Maybe the thought that if everyone had what they need they will never feel this way. That I will make the world beautiful even if I can't be. That I'll create beauty so they never see who and what I am. Create beauty out of food, art, my children. I am a sad excuse for a person. I have no great talent. Hell I have no talent. The only thing I can do is try to get the world to see beauty in my very unbeautiful world. So look to the sky and see those wonderful clouds. The passion of a thunderstorm, the rage for a hurricane. See beauty when there are others who cannot.
Beauty should be cherished. So stare in wonder at the beauty all around you.
I do NOT think of myself as beautiful. I don't even remember anyone telling me I was beautiful on my wedding day. Beautiful, pretty, gorgeous, etc. Things I do not describe as myself. I see nothing pretty about myself. I feel like crying when I say that. Sometimes I can glimpse pretty but never beautiful or gorgeous. Never enough for anyone. I cannot fathem how my husband finds me attractive. I detest myself 99% of the time. If I take pictures of myself I'm having a good day. I want to give you this. Don't feel sorry for me. Don't feel anything. It is what it is and this will probably never change. I have no one in my life who will help me with these feelings and I'm very much used to it.
But I do try to help everyone I can help out. Maybe the thought that if everyone had what they need they will never feel this way. That I will make the world beautiful even if I can't be. That I'll create beauty so they never see who and what I am. Create beauty out of food, art, my children. I am a sad excuse for a person. I have no great talent. Hell I have no talent. The only thing I can do is try to get the world to see beauty in my very unbeautiful world. So look to the sky and see those wonderful clouds. The passion of a thunderstorm, the rage for a hurricane. See beauty when there are others who cannot.
Beauty should be cherished. So stare in wonder at the beauty all around you.
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