Relapse

I can't seem to think.

Today I woke up fine. Really tired. I knew today was NOT gonna be a good day. Remember that pesky manic-depressive type 2 (bipolar) I told ya about in the first writings. It decided to peak its great big fat head at me today. I just wanna cry today. I want a friend who will listen to me. I want to beable to TRUST a friend to listen to me. I talked to my husband the other day about how I remember how hard it was to work. He asked me why. Because I have days like today where I just wanna cry. I need insurance so I can find a couple therapist. I feel like life is just swirling.

Today is a pivital point. I either can try to find insurance and get the therapy that I truely need and TRY so hard to work. Or I do what I have been trying to push away from me as far as I can. Getting SSI (I think it's SSI) means never working agian. I do NOT wanna do that. I have dreams. Sadly I realize that my dreams probably will never come true because of this STUPID illness that I have been struggling with!

My whole being wants to scream HHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPP!!!

I just want some help.